ako ay isang mamamayan na ng lipa, batangas

sana sa blueroze na lang kami nakatira!haha..

si Lord naman kasi masyado mapagbiro.. sana hindi mo na lang ako hinayaan makakilala ng taong sa loob ng dalawang araw ko lang din pala mafefeel... para kong nasa ibang mundo tapos pagbalik ko sa diliman parang back to earth.. ako mismo nasaktan sa sarili kong sampal.. kainis! pero ok na din yun, kasi nga diba naka-"focus" na ko..haha.. na tanggap ko na, na ganon sya wala ng magagawa.. tapos biglang ayan parang bigla syang nag-iba..wow! syempre kahit lasing sya, natutuwa pa rin akong panoorin sya at makinig sa kanya.. kahit naiinis ako sa ibang tao naka-smile lang ako.. tamang mukhang gago lang itsura ko..haha..

pero ayan back to earth na ang drama namin ngayon... haayyy ano bang nangyayari? wala naman akong demands.. lahat ng pwedeng pagkakamali iniiwasan ko naman.. sinasadya mo ba na pagurin ako o baka si papaJesus na lang talaga ang may gawa nito.. mabait naman akong bata, anak, kapatid, kaibigan, mamamayan.. ano pa ba? pero salamat pa din kay God sa lahat-lahat..kasi kahit sandali, kahit papano may naramdaman ako na ganon.. na naramdaman ko sya..(naks! drama!)

isang malalim na hinga.. haaaaaaaay...

crying ladies

got this from mica....true, true...

When a girl cries, it doesn't mean she's weak. if a girl cries in front of you, it means she can't take it anymore. If you take her hand, she will stay with you for the rest of your life...


A girl won't cry easily except in front of the person whom she loves the most...she puts down her ego... she cries not because she's weak. she cries not because she wants sympathy or pity. she cries because crying silently is no longer possible...

autism

have you ever experienced giving your all to someone? like how you've manage to understand him, to have forgiven every mistake, to give him everything he needs, to try to make him happy everyday..... even sometimes at your expense and yet you do not expect anything in return to which truly you dont GET any in return? "its love, perfect love actually but its not commitment anymore" i think im too old for happily-ever-after stuff. relationship,for me, is more than just loving, it also needs partnership...

sunday 6august2006

on my checklist

• do the grocery
• clean the house
• prepare food for tomorrow

can't wait for tomorrow..yikik!

monday 7august2006

big day for me, uhm for us or me lang ata talaga... cooked the food i prepared for today.. its salisbury steak by the way..my sister said it tastes ok.. "good.. hope he'll like it..", i told myself..now, it's all set for the "celebration". clock was ticking.. i told him to come and he said he's going to wait for a classmate (not again!) in geol for readings.. well turned out, it's two classmates, 1 in geol and 1 in bio (you went to these classes last friday, so why the hell didn't you photocopy all these readings?).. haay crap! so, no big, hairy, dark man had celebrated with me on what i thought is a big day.. now, i have to wait for another month to do all this, or i guess i wont anymore..haaay.. anyway, he still got a taste of the food in the evening..damn that man! he didnt even believe i prepared all this for this day, for him.. ok! its suppose to hurt me but i just ignored it. so fine never said a word.. never!

8august2006

it's jem's birthday.. but i wasnt able to go.. he said we'll celebrate today.. but i still have to wait for another long hours of poker sessions.. now what do we have to celebrate, is it something about us or is it you winning a large sum of money? (well, the former or the latter, i dont care anymore as long as you get that dark, flat ass of yours off that seat and let's get going!) we went to old spaghetti house,btw.. yey!

me:mahal dyan. wag na sayang pera mo
him: ok lang mahal naman kita

grr.. haaay.. now i hated myself for falling to that line coz as i've noticed i was smiling the whole evening.. grrr...then, went to meatshop after.. after two bottles of beer, he said he's drunk so we need to go home .. haaay..
after all this i still haven't said a word, i didn't rant. i was just simply happy because we're together.. that's it.

at home.. i was scanning channels and he's trying/pestering me to change the channel to ch51(wrestling!).. so, " i said, in a serious, not the pa-cute way, but definitely not mad "sandali lang".. as simple as that... then, he went to the room.i thought he's not feeling well.. so i asked,"masama ba pakiramdam mo?" he said, "hindi, masama loob ko kasi napahiya ako dahil sa tv" with matching takip ng unan sa mukha at sabay talikod sa kin....(san ka pa?)

ok*nam! enya madi ti inbagak!?! sus!

naiyak ako na natawa na hindi ko na maintindihan....boyfriend ko ang pinakamalupit na boyfriend sa buong mundo...haha.. walang katulad..

stages of love

saw stages of love at the coffee beanery last saturday... me and him (haha.. meant to be talaga.. diba yun yung kaaway sa powerpuff girls?) ano na ulit? ay ayun, me and him.. well.. uhm have been constantly fighting..well not exactly fighting.. siguro more of giving each other the cold shoulder... sobrang poker face na ata ako lagi (mastered the paul suba technique)..haha.. anyway, seeing stages of love was the break we really needed.. i thought that not seeing him and giving myself a him-free-moment would make everything alright so we'd had less talks, more hugs and all that crap... the play made me realize that ideal relationship still exists and its bound to happen to anyone who wishes it to be that way..i was and maybe still am a believer of the extremities of reality.. but im starting to think that it should be a balance between believing what's ideal and to accepting what's real..

tasha's right who could have ever thought that we'd be that happy that night.. he was so apprehensive at first onto coming with me at the play.. then, who the hell would expect that at the end of the play he was the one who almost memorized the songs at the play.. lss...

i cant believe that its still possible to smile and laugh again after all we've through the past weeks .. "just hold on to each other and love will proove it" sabi nga sa play.. haha.. la lang saya.kunwari..hehe o sige na sincere na masaya ko :)

other pictures at tasha's blog
http://tashgorgeous.multiply.com/photos/album/13

making choices

there will always be choices in front us but sometimes we have to choose what is incorrect in order for us to achieve what is sensible maybe not for now, but maybe in the future well realize it is what is right after all.. ill always hold your hand...

it's hard to be strong especially for other people but i think its harder to pretend strong when in reality your really not..but i have to.. because i chose to.... for you

father's day

me crying, my dad smiling.. bata pa lang ako mapang-asar na talaga tatay ko..

• my dad, the singer???
• my dad, the toug,h not affectionate one(alam mo na kung saan ako nagmana).
  my dad, the 2nd best cook (my lola's the 1st)
  
• my dad, the macho one
  
• my dad, the entrepreneur
  
• my dad, the vain one (with all those derma visits, the diet, the gym, the supplements)
  
• my dad, the convert..proud to have finally found God..
  
  to you.. happy father's day... :)

my last form 5 sana

yey! im now on my last subject and on my last semester at school.. finally got my initial ticket to freedom.. freedom from neverland... im finally leaving that neverland to grow up.. some people choose to stay because they are attached or maybe wishing for that fairy tale-ish immortality they could get .. im giving up that peter pan mode to being oh soo wendy.. im finally on my way to getting to reality.... si mabs na lang ang huling kalaban ko.. at si ma'am abad..

ang bisyo nga naman

baka hindi ako magbanggit ng pangalan ng kahit sino baka i-google nya ang pangalan nya at lumabas ang blog ko.

article IV section 2
one can only drink 2 bottles of beer, smoke no cigarettes, (on some occasions, 2 is the maximum), be home by 10pm. going home beyond 10pm but not beyond 12am is considered a night out. only 2 night-outs are allowed per week…

wow men! ang labo naman nito. pero naisip ko bakit naman malabo eh kaya nga may rules para maayos at para may “guide” daw kaming sinusundan… haaay.. eh pano kaya pag overnight? siguro dapat may overnight permit. pero sa karanasan ko nung sabado eh parang hindi ata pwede..hay..

noong nakaraang linggo, iinom daw kami at masaya ako kasi pinayagan ako.yey! eh kaso marami akong hindi kakilala at hindi nya din kakilala mag yun kaya hindi na lang ako tumuloy.bago ako natulog, may nagtext…. “aftr hours of negotiatng wid d bf, d verdict: i can only drnk wid u, yes u n 2-3 pipol dat he trusts….”

kinbukasan… sabi ko sa nagtext sa kin “hala kaya ba natin to.haha” “basta lagi tayong magkasama kahit anong mangyari”, sabi nya. sige hayaan mo pag namumutla ka na, tetext ko na boyfriend mo at itatakbo na kita agad sa sarah’s..

anuber??? ano to? ang daming taong may change of heart.. parang hindi ka naman ganyan dati ah. pero sige sabi mo, kailangan may pagbabago para sa kaayusan.. pero bakit kasama ako? o sige hindi na hihirit.. okay na, masaya naman akong umuuwi ng 12.. mega tingin sa precious havaianas ko dahil baka bigla na lang pala akong nakatapak,ang aking damit ay baka maging basahan, ang taxi ay maging isang malaking kalabasa, at oh no waahh happened? ang kawawang dyaber ay naging isang daga… at ang lahat ng ito ay para lamang kay prince charming… charing!wooshoo!

nang araw ding yun.. sarah’s daw kami para sa pagbabago..ako naman, “final na ba yan? kasi magpapalam na ko” tatlo kaming cinderella sa nagpaalam
reply1: ok.. be home by 12. ingat.mwah
reply2: (pagkaraan ng ilang oras) ingat.mwah
reply3: aba.
sa pangatlo ako pinakanatawa.. pero sayo .. u make me proud huh…yikik.. nudge.nudge.. ayan may dumating na lalaki.. sabi ng isa sa amin.. “tara sarah’s” sabi nya. “ayos lang pero uuwi ako ng maaga ha” huwaat?! anong meron sa curfew?! uso?! hmmm... sige paguwi ko sa bulacan sasabihin ko sa tatay ko.. “from now on ipapataw ko na ang articleIV, section2”

ang gabing yun ay naging masaya.. at nakasama pa namin ang teacher namin na umiinom.. at dahil sa masunurin kaming 4 .. ayan 11pm pa lang nakauwi na ko.. at inabutan ko pa ang wonderful life….

sabado,nagpunta ako ng maynila kasi may chuva kaming mga kababaihan.. naka-attend pa tuloy ako ng 40th wedding anniversary ng dalawang matandang mag-asawa.. sweetest to the max.. parang the notebook ang dating…

ayan, eh ang mga kalalakihan pala ay may chuva din. naglagayan ata ng blush-on sa buong parte ng katawan..nung nalaman ko na nag chuvaan pala sila, napaalam na ko dahil naisip ko na agad.. “oy arnibalicious, malate daw kami.. ok lang?” (yan ang tamang paalam, yung nagtatanong muna kung pwede, hindi yung nakahawak na sa bote saka magpapaalam) ayan, pumayag naman.. masaya naman ako sa mga kasama ko..kasama namin ang mga naka-blush-on. nakakatuwa kasi first time nila mag-jug-a-lug..tapos may isa kalahati pa lang nasusuka na.. pero ayos .. sabi pa nga ng isa sa mga kalalakihan.. “ok lang yan,sige cr ka na.. oist ikaw samahan mo yun” and sweet noh? haaayyy.. nung medyo malapit na mag-11pm.. ayan na natetense na ko..”oy tara na, need to go home na ko”.. buti may 4 sa kanila mabait at uuwi na nga daw kami.. sabi pa ng pinakamabait, “sige taxi na tayo,ako na bahala” aaaaw.. sweeter!

habang nasa taxi, ay nawala ang panicky mode ko.. kasi naman natuwa ako sa kanila at sa kanya..una, line prodcer ang nanay nya at cinematographer naman ang tatay nya.. syet! pangalawa, mapagmahal sa mga kapatid.. “nung bata pa yung kapatid ko sobrang tuwang-tuwa ako dun. pag galing ako sa school tapos makikita ko sya, para syang angel na natutulog” syeter! at pangatlo, “ihahatid sana kita kaso nagmamadali na talaga ko(curfew din kaya)..anyway, text mo na lang ang pinakamabait, sa kanya ko na lang tatanong kung nakauwi ka na para isa na lang ang itetext mo.. ingat” syetest!... kaso.. kaso 19 years old.. anu behr? ayoko ng mas bata. mahirap magpalaki ha? please lang. tapos mayabang daw yun sabi ng babaeng iyakin.. ay sayang naman.. anyway to begin with.. no! fight temptations! sabi pa naman sa commercial.. “chicken or ham” “can I have chicken AND ham?” “only one ma’am” hay naku kailangang mamili ng isa lang.. ayoko naman ng bread lang noh.. so syempre dun na lang ako sa unang alok ni papa Jesus..

ayan, medyo late ako ng 10minutes.. aba.. aba.. ang bait ng kumag.. yun pala may ginawang milagro.. pagkatapos kong kaladkarin ang mga bagong lagay ng blush-on sa hita, nagtaxi pa kami mula malate hanggang kamias.. eto pa ba? pakshet naman (hay, kay ham na lang kaya ako?)..kurutin kaya kita sa singit noh?

sa napakahabang entry na to, ano ba ang moral ng story? … isang malaking ewan… kung ilalagay ko kasi ang moral eh sus sobrang haba…. ispin nyo na lang pati dugo ko lasang beer na kakainuman namin ng isa pang Cinderella tungkol sa mga lalaki at sa isyung kalalakihan.... bow!

commitments

the reason why i don’t commit easily is because i know the true essence of commitment and the responsibilities attached to it. i always tell myself that commitment is the hardest thing to give. so i guess the reason why most people commit easily is because they don’t know what commitment really is and that it is easy to get back things you have given that easy….


responsibility equals obligation.....
to be loyal, sincere and honest are three things that are not rules nor grounds on commitment for they are indeed responsibilities.. they are not and will never be favors you ask someone because that someone should already know that those things are needed.. how could that sound so complicated.. when in fact it is so damn simple..

landon im sick

I was sick last week for a few a days so I did nothing but to curl up in bed and read a walk to remember for the nth time.


“what I learned about Jamie is that it is our actions, not our thoughts nor our intentions, that we are judged by other people.”
True enough that is how it really is. Since our action is the most obvious and the fact that few people would really bother to know are real intentions. Yes, it is good to be ourselves all the time and not to think about what other people would think about us. but sometimes we really have to think what they are about to say because who would want to live in a world where we are reputed as this or that or some bastard or bitch (even if we have the purest intentions) and clearly we don’t want that, who would anyway?


I am not commanding you but, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it to the earnestness of others.
Even the bible tells it so, sincerity in love can be proven by how are we able to differentiate our love from one person to another. It is in doing something unique. Hindi yung may gagawin kang effort pero pang ilang beses mo na pala ginawa yun.hehe. even in loving our parents, ano ba yung bagay na sila lang ang makaka-appreciate? Tulad ng, huhuhu.. pag-graduate diba? No other people would really appreciate the fact that we are graduating, na sobrang pinaghirapan natin yun.. etc.etc.. kundi ang mga magulang lang natin, diba? Kaya sa ibang tao.. ganon din. Ano ba yung bagay na sila lang ang sobrang makaka-appreciate……hmmm....


most famous line
love is always patient and kind. it is never jealous. love is never boastful or conceited. it is never rude or selfish. it does not take offense and is not resentful. love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth. it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.. and jamie is the truest essence of this
aawwww ................

where is our guilt factor?

i wonder why are we sometimes not guilty over some things when we really should be guilty about it?

are we really that thick-skinned or maybe.... hmmm....maybe someone have created us this heavy armored clothing, for us not to be guilty and feel good about ourselves when we really should feel bad.... (im not saying that we should always feel bad over something that we did not do righ. anyway that's another thought to ponder upon)

now i wonder.. who are those people doing that.. are they our friends, family or maybe our enemies themselves.. hmm... why would they do that anyway?

the haunting

i am haunted by the past
i think im drowning in this pensieve other people have created for me.
help me please.. help me please..
everything still give me shivers whenever i think about it.. i just have to learn how to ignore.

haayy, ayan mang-aaway ka naman tapos pag bumabalik lahat sayo ng kasalanan mo bigla kang babawi at kunwari tuta kang maamo.. bwahaha *evil laugh* bwahaha.. buti na lang malinis konsenysa ko... ng konti.hahaha...

did you come back coz you're lost? haaayy... nuninuninooooo...isip-isip

little black book

brittany murphy looks mababaw lagi pero her movies really made sense. even just married for me has sense saka uptown girls and a movie i just watched recently sa hbo, little black book.


"a clean break up is easy, you do it, reset it, you get ok, then you move on. leave everything messy and not ok.. it just hurts... forever. i think its time for me to move away from him.. from this."


"it should tear your eyes right now but i realized how will you be able to look at yourself in the morning."

"in my search for the truth, i realized i have been the biggest lie. maybe some secrets must really remain secrets."

stacey:do you believe in happy endings?
some guy: (looks at his wife) i do.. go find your happy ending..

it's another blog post

For one thing there was the choco grabber and the other was the friend grabber. Both were unconscious of doing such. The former was mentally insane and the latter was simply being friendly. It would have been easy, just to simply say, like what tasha said, “ay akin po to” but there are things that are really out of our hands. Its not an issue of being selfish or an issue of sharing but it is just simply understanding. Bless the soul of the choco grabber. He really was unconscious of doing it and we perfectly understand the reason why.

I wished I was able to say “ akin sya” and so you weren’t able to say “akin ka na lang” but nevertheless, its ok because I perfectly understand it. It was bad and hurting on my part but I understand, I know how you feel because I have the same feelings, and it’s love. Only, why do we have to like the same person and at the same time? i have looked at you in a distant way because you were never my friend but i was able to have the oppurtunity to be with you in a place i also had the oppurtunity to visit.i thought things will be different for the two of us and yah it really was different, but not what i had in mind. because the next thing i know, you were already in my shoes. things will never be the same. i know for some of us it will and it is already, but for all of us it won't. it just hurts me why it had to be this way. ako ba talaga ang may kasalanan so why things will never be the same? some of you have already played God on me. im not mad.. i just feel bad. it just hurts.. it really hurts.

It's just so unfair why everything must fall onto me. Why every action, incident, situation, himala, milagro at kababalaghan nyo must include my reflection? I’m not involve in the situation in the first place so why everyone would talk to me about it. At ako pa ang masama or some sort in the end.

arent we the ones toasting about this: that everyone in the department to be friends, for us to have one big circle.. where is it now?


but then..........................................

how many blog posts, comments, lurking around the blog network, hints messages do we have to do and make for us to finally do what we have to and that is to sit down and talk. how many times and on how many occasions do we have to say "things we'll never be the same", but at the back of our minds were wishing everything's gonna come back(oh well, at least in my case that's how it is). i have lots of uncertain thoughts as of the moment but there is one thing i am certain of and that is not to give up on you. you need time, i know.. no matter how much.. i'll be waiting.. i miss you so much.

i will always be here for ALL of you...

cripin's crispy words

“kung ako sya, hindi kita pipilitin na maging kaaway lahat ng kaaway ko pero mas MAGANDA sana kung ang mga kaaway ko ay kaaway mo rin, diba? i would have really appreciated it”

i still stand by what I have done before that I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to get myself involve for it will only make things more complicated. I just wish I did not make a joke about it and laugh about what happened when we were together. I just wish I told you what really happened that day, how I felt about it and how I made a tearfest at ph104 because of it.

YOU, I am sorry. There are things that would never happen again.. and it is because I am promising you that..

coming fom a rhosig that is one big thing...

that summer love affair

“oy he’s getting married na”, a friend told me the other day. I said “oh how come, eh we were together two summers ago lang. how could he possibly be in a relationship for more than just a year then get married agad? Nabuntis ba nya?” “ay hindi, girlfriend nya yun na nagbreak sila kasi nagpunta ng States. Tapos nagbalikan na lang sila”

that made me remember Ela’s text message during my hell week. Here goes:

“tandaan mo to. Ang love life ay parang paglalakbay. Lahat tayo ay may talagang pupuntahan. Pero along the way may mga stopovers. Isipin mo na lang na yung taong para sayo na hinihanap mo eh hinahanap ka na rin ngayon”

I am happy that I am one of his stop overs, at least in one way or another I was able to “prepare” him for the woman to be with him forever. I am happy I was a twist to their teleserye like love story.

Before I wished that the summer thing did not happen for it was all hurt and that I did not learned something new. But now I learned that lessons may still be learned even after a year or years after what happened..

having a helping hand

Maybe this is what my dad fear the most: that I will grab all my things and go to some place remote, poorest area in the Philippines or worst poorest area in the world. I was glad I was able to know Nadia, our geog243 groupmate and really know how it is to be with people who were/are victims of disasters like bombing for example in North Cotabato.

I was able to realize what a selfish bitch I am thinking and crying over the hearthaches I have had the past weeks while there are people crying because they have got nothing to eat, crying because they are too tired of running the whole day for their lives, crying because of a loss of a love one.

I maybe overreacting but this is how it is. There really are problems that we do not need to think about. It is good to cry over small things. But I realized, I cried too much for how many times over one thing that one boy forced to hold a gun and kill people would think of it that I have got one pathetic selfish problem. I am not playing Mother Theresa, Kofi Anan or some other UN person but I just feel so pathetic as of now…

In helping people, I realized that it is not those people’s luck that they have got me nor that it is their opportunity that they have got someone like me to help them. Rather it is an opportunity for me to help them be able to prove to myself, not to other people and not even to God, that I’ve got worth in this world.

simple things..simple life

van: you know what it's really easy to let go..
me: ha?
van: yes, it is. kasi sa kin lagi kong iniisip na there are people or things that are really destined to be with us or to happen to us but that doesnt mean those people or events have to last. who said destiny is forever anyway? parang kayo, meant to be nga kayo pero it did not last long pero at least it was destined for the two of you to experience having each other, dba...
me: van.. wala lang akong luha ngayon pero umiiyak talaga ko..........

haaay... naku anong ba naman buhay to... sa bagay tamang drama lang

compromising without really compromising.. that was vince's idea of a relationship.. everyone in relationship really has to adjust but who said adjusting should be as painful as being gripped tightly or let's say being "under" ... there are rules to conform as they say.. but really, you dont need to be hard on other people just to make them conform to the rules you are setting on them..pwede mo naman pagbawalan unimon pero syempre you have to exert effort para hindi nya mafeel na nanghihinayang sya na hindi sya umiinom ngayon, dba? eh di spend time with him or her.. so at least happy kayo togther diba kahit walang alak...

as simple as that... at least that's what i think it is..as being simple

pinoy lovestory #117

wala ng pupuntahan ang taong nasa baba kundi sa taas na lang....

--leo
take 3
scene 18 (sa as steps)
pinoy lovestory #117

...hmm... right...

caved in or not anymore

i was in a cave for the past few months. i had the thinking that everything i needed was inside. i dont want to come out at least for now. but heck i was absolutely wrong.... i was forced to move outside so the cave man could let someone in.. i was shocked with the rays of sunshine on my face. im having difficulty adjusting to it, being outside, and the hotness of the sun.. i had to pour milk on my face and put shades on almost everyday just to hide the difficulty of adjusting... i dont know how long will this be....my fairy godmother said someday ill get tired.. but i dont want to get tired.. i want to end this with no heart feelings.. i want to say "haay, im happy for me and for the rest of the world" with smile on my face ready to face the sun with no shades at all.....

....this will happen soon.. :)